My Name Is Not Miriam
For more than 15 years, I have been visiting my local bagel shop, and for all 15 years, the manager has called me by the wrong name. I subtly corrected on more than one occasion, but Miriam it remains. Though it bothers me, I have just decided to accept it. The reality is that my first name has always confused people, and as a result, I have learned to answer to everything from Marilyn to Mariah.
Honestly, it is my penance for having difficulty remembering all of my students’ names over the years. There are no excuses, but I’ll share one anyway — the sheer numbers of students, anywhere from 150 to 180 names to learn each year. And somewhere around the start of my perimenopause, remembering my students’ names became so much worse. I know faces, could even tell you the last story you shared with me, but for the love of Zeus, I cannot remember your name. But: I know better and I must do better.
If trust, community, and relationships are to be built, then correct names must be used — no excuses. It is the basic foundation of relationships and, of course, teaching is relationship-based. Recognizing my Achilles Heel, I did try some tricks such as tent name markers, name tags, and returning papers to each student to learn names. Then, online work became the modus operandi, and I again struggled.
When Nelson Mandela’s elementary school teacher changed his name from Rolihlahla to Nelson, it was a common practice, and the acceptance of this name was expected to make it easier for his British teachers. He certainly was not the only student given a new name. In fact, I know I have nicknamed a student if there was more than one Ashley or Michael in a class. For the sake of time and convenience, I changed their names, and I was wrong, so wrong. And I would like to publicly apologize to those students. I promise to do better.
From bagel manager to school teacher, let's take the time to learn people’s names, to say them correctly, and to spell them correctly. (BTW: I am Marian with an A, not an O.) However you have to learn it, practice it — please do so, and I will do the same for you. Let’s start anew.
Hello, my name is Marian, like the librarian, both with an A. And your name is _____. So nice to meet you, _____. Today and tomorrow, I will remember and use your name.